In May we marked Mental Health Awareness Week with some stories from our colleagues, that prompted one of our people to share an incredibly personal experience that changed her life.
This story focuses on dealing with the effects of suicide, a difficult subject for many people to talk or even read about, and is shared with kind permission of Sharon Leaney, a DHU 111 Health Advisor, and her family – in Sharon’s own words…
“I was one of seven brothers and sisters growing up in Ireland. We had a difficult upbringing, my mother left my father who was a drinker and worked hard, but it did leave us to look after ourselves to a large extent.
“My eldest brother, Anthony, had been through a lot as a child that caused him some trauma and, on 10th February 1999, he took his own life. It was my sister who told me over the phone at work, I knew something was wrong as soon as I took the call and learning the manner in which he died was the biggest, most devastating moment of my life.
“We pulled together as much as we could but I could see that my brother, David, who had also suffered his own mental health problems was in a terrible way. I struggled myself, sought counselling but it didn’t work. I found it hard to talk about, my family broke up as my partner couldn’t deal with my grief.
“A year after Anthony’s death I started to rebuild my life, socialising, meeting people, although the spark in me had dimmed. I had moved back to Ireland, but David was living in London and, though I saw and talked to him regularly, he remained deeply affected. On 29th October 2002, his troubles got the better of him and he also took his own life.
“My life went into full meltdown. Again, we had each other but our shared experiences had been different, the dynamic we had growing up had changed and we were at different stages of grief. I started seeing a counsellor and this time it worked. I don’t know if David’s passing meant that I was then ready to talk about both his and Anthony’s deaths and how they had affected me. All I knew was that our conversations over an 18-month period, talking about my family, childhood, both suicides and my feelings about them got me out of a big dark hole.
“I love talking about my brothers, but it’s difficult bringing it up in conversation. I’m worried it will bring people down and it’s not the sort of
information that comes up in casual conversation. People fear talking about suicide, but suicide doesn’t define the way I feel about by brothers and I want to talk about them. They were and always will be a part of my life and I want to remember them with smiles, not just tears.
“Mental health is a very personal thing and I have bad days and setbacks. My 21-year-old nephew committed suicide in 2019 and watching his siblings suffer the way we did brought back all of those nightmares.
“But talking about my brothers brings a part of them back and makes me smile. The times we had growing up may have been hard, but we had some freedom and I like to reminisce about what we got up to. So, if you see me at Ashgate, don’t be afraid to talk to me about my brothers, it keeps the happy memories alive.”